Fear (Post #12)

Let’s talk about fear for a moment, shall we?  I find that the older I get, the more fearful I become.  And it seems it’s only gotten worse since my Littleone was born 6 years ago.  I think my biggest fear is of something happening to my family.  Every time Geek and Littleone are together and I’m not with them, I am almost consumed with the fear that they won’t come back.  There have been times when I’ve brought myself to tears, just thinking about it.  It seems silly.  I mean, if something were going to happen to them, there’s not a whole lot I could do about it, but nonetheless the fear remains.

My most irrational fear is the terror that grips me when I see a roach.  I HATE roaches.  And what’s stupid about this fear is that logically, I realize that I’m about 20 times bigger than they are (most of the time), but it doesn’t matter.  I can’t bring myself to squash them, or if I’m the only person here and I have to, I find the heaviest shoe I can and scream the whole time.  And fuhgeddabout picking up their remains.  Ain’t gonna happen.  I don’t know what it is about roaches… I think the whole thing about their being able to survive nuclear holocausts and the fact that they hang around filth bothers me.   A couple of times I’ve had them get in the bed with me, and even scalding hot showers couldn’t make me feel better after that.  And when I was about 7 years old, my mom and I lived in a nasty apartment, and every time we opened a drawer in the kitchen, about 10 of those buggers would come running out.  Maybe that’s where the fear came from, and no matter how irrational, it’s still there.   I think that’s what sucks the worst about fear… There’s no good reason for it.

So, what are your fears?