Tense for a Reason

July 28, 2007

Fear (Post #12)

Filed under: Me Me Me — Tense @ 1:30 pm

Let’s talk about fear for a moment, shall we?  I find that the older I get, the more fearful I become.  And it seems it’s only gotten worse since my Littleone was born 6 years ago.  I think my biggest fear is of something happening to my family.  Every time Geek and Littleone are together and I’m not with them, I am almost consumed with the fear that they won’t come back.  There have been times when I’ve brought myself to tears, just thinking about it.  It seems silly.  I mean, if something were going to happen to them, there’s not a whole lot I could do about it, but nonetheless the fear remains.

My most irrational fear is the terror that grips me when I see a roach.  I HATE roaches.  And what’s stupid about this fear is that logically, I realize that I’m about 20 times bigger than they are (most of the time), but it doesn’t matter.  I can’t bring myself to squash them, or if I’m the only person here and I have to, I find the heaviest shoe I can and scream the whole time.  And fuhgeddabout picking up their remains.  Ain’t gonna happen.  I don’t know what it is about roaches… I think the whole thing about their being able to survive nuclear holocausts and the fact that they hang around filth bothers me.   A couple of times I’ve had them get in the bed with me, and even scalding hot showers couldn’t make me feel better after that.  And when I was about 7 years old, my mom and I lived in a nasty apartment, and every time we opened a drawer in the kitchen, about 10 of those buggers would come running out.  Maybe that’s where the fear came from, and no matter how irrational, it’s still there.   I think that’s what sucks the worst about fear… There’s no good reason for it.

So, what are your fears?



  1. I’m right with you on the fears of something happening to my family. I don’t think we can truly appreciate what fear is until we love as fiercely as a mother loves.

    My biggies are earwigs and things I can’t control (airplanes, drunk drivers, random nutjobs). I hate that I can be the most careful and conscientious person in the world and STILL be victim to others’ stupidity and recklessness. THAT scares me.

    Comment by mrschili — July 28, 2007 @ 1:41 pm

  2. My biggest fear is holy water.

    Comment by Murp! — July 28, 2007 @ 1:48 pm

  3. Mrs. Chili – I think we’ve had this conversation before, and I think you’re right about being a mommy.

    Murp! – And well it should be.

    Comment by Tense — July 28, 2007 @ 1:54 pm

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