Tense for a Reason

July 28, 2007

Fear (Post #12)

Filed under: Me Me Me — Tense @ 1:30 pm

Let’s talk about fear for a moment, shall we?  I find that the older I get, the more fearful I become.  And it seems it’s only gotten worse since my Littleone was born 6 years ago.  I think my biggest fear is of something happening to my family.  Every time Geek and Littleone are together and I’m not with them, I am almost consumed with the fear that they won’t come back.  There have been times when I’ve brought myself to tears, just thinking about it.  It seems silly.  I mean, if something were going to happen to them, there’s not a whole lot I could do about it, but nonetheless the fear remains.

My most irrational fear is the terror that grips me when I see a roach.  I HATE roaches.  And what’s stupid about this fear is that logically, I realize that I’m about 20 times bigger than they are (most of the time), but it doesn’t matter.  I can’t bring myself to squash them, or if I’m the only person here and I have to, I find the heaviest shoe I can and scream the whole time.  And fuhgeddabout picking up their remains.  Ain’t gonna happen.  I don’t know what it is about roaches… I think the whole thing about their being able to survive nuclear holocausts and the fact that they hang around filth bothers me.   A couple of times I’ve had them get in the bed with me, and even scalding hot showers couldn’t make me feel better after that.  And when I was about 7 years old, my mom and I lived in a nasty apartment, and every time we opened a drawer in the kitchen, about 10 of those buggers would come running out.  Maybe that’s where the fear came from, and no matter how irrational, it’s still there.   I think that’s what sucks the worst about fear… There’s no good reason for it.

So, what are your fears?

Advertisements

3 Comments »

  1. I’m right with you on the fears of something happening to my family. I don’t think we can truly appreciate what fear is until we love as fiercely as a mother loves.

    My biggies are earwigs and things I can’t control (airplanes, drunk drivers, random nutjobs). I hate that I can be the most careful and conscientious person in the world and STILL be victim to others’ stupidity and recklessness. THAT scares me.

    Comment by mrschili — July 28, 2007 @ 1:41 pm

  2. My biggest fear is holy water.

    Comment by Murp! — July 28, 2007 @ 1:48 pm

  3. Mrs. Chili – I think we’ve had this conversation before, and I think you’re right about being a mommy.

    Murp! – And well it should be.

    Comment by Tense — July 28, 2007 @ 1:54 pm


RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: